People are stupid

Recently, I had to take the Girl to her orthodontist appt. As we climbed the stairs, we noticed a faint odor. As we reached the second floor landing, the faint odor became a distinct smell. When I opened the office door, the stench smacked me in the face - soiled diaper! As a father, I easily recognize this smell and have feared the contents.

I sat down and tried to distract my mind from the stench by reading a magazine. I then heard a whining sound in front of me. This did not sound like a child, so I investigated. In the next row over, a woman was sitting with her back to me, holding a puppy. She was telling her toddler to hush the dog, as it continuously whined. Who brings a dog to the orthodontist!?

Finally, a nurse/hygienist entered and remarked about the soiled diaper. The woman stated the toddler soiled herself on the way to the appt, but mom just hadn't changed her yet. How nice, sharing that smell with the rest of the patrons in the waiting room. When the nurse suggested she use a changing room in the office, the woman took the toddler and dog to the car to change the diaper full of nuclear waste.

Yay! An end to my misery was at hand. To my dismay, this woman returned with the toddler (sans poopy diaper) and the dog. This behavior might be acceptable in Hollywood (the land of fruits and nuts) but not here in the Midwest. Don't get me wrong, I am a dog lover. I have two myself. But, your dog is not as cute or special as mine, so leave it at home where it will happily chew on your barcalounger until you return.

Bunny patrol

The dog, heretofore referred to as Lulu, is the biggest scaredy-cat in the canine world. Seriously, other dogs make fun of her. She is 65 lbs and waits for our other dog (15 lbs of ankle biting terror) to go potty when it's dark.
Lulu likes to sit halfway up the front stairs and look out the front windows, scouting for evil bunnies. When she sees one, she barks ferociously and demands to be let out to rid our property of this menace. There is no way evil bunnies will successfully launch a sneak attack on us. I have never felt safer.
Of course, if an actual intruder presented himself, Lulu is beyond useless. My brother-in-law arrived for a visit over the holidays and she pooped on the living room floor when he walked in. Maybe the smell will ward off criminals.

NOT Horny

Anyone who knows me well, understands that I loathe grocery shopping. When I do go, I try to stock up for several weeks at a time necessitating fewer trips. It does mean a longer time in the store.

Yesterday, I had to go to Meijers. I have not done any real shopping in 3-4 weeks. So this was to be a big trip. I get in the store and start the drudgery- trying to avoid all the old people and families (why on earth does every member of the family need to shop???). Anyways, I kept hearing this horn blow -like the kind that is handed out at Birthday parties. For 45 minutes if feels like this horn is following me. At one point, I see this lady pushing her cart and her 5-6 year old just blowing this horn. I had envisions of me taking the horn away and yelling at the lady.

I tried to keep going after that but it felt like this horn was everywhere. My visions turned to punching this lady so I decided to leave the store- shop at another time. I went to the opposite side store to check out, but still I hear this horn. I look over and see another child just blowing away. My nerves are shot at this point and I complain to the checkout lady. The checkout lady then admits that there is a Dr Seuss celebration and they are actually handing these horns out to kids. At this point I asked for the manager. When I was done I almost felt bad for said manager but I could think past the still blazing horns!!!!!!