Bad analogy

Parental advisory - this post is not for small impressionable children and adults with mullets. The other day, I was petting the dog and I noticed a rather large ball of matted hair behind his ear (collies are famous for this especially when they are not brushed regularly). Thinking the wife was the only person within earshot, I utter the following, "Lucky has a hunk of matted hair as big as my nutsack." Just then the girl walks right in front of me and calls me, "A sicko." This goes under the category of things you don't want your children to overhear. Come to think of it, she right. I am a sicko. Not everyone can use "Nutsack" in daily conversation.

The evolution of names

People have told me that I'm weird. It's hard for me to believe too, but it doesn't change this fact. Here is something that I do, and I am looking for feedback from the readers on this. I do not call my pets by their given names very often. Here is a brief example; we have a small dog names Penny. Here are some of the variations on her name over the past year or two:

Penny Pooper - due to her pooping in the house.
Penny the Pooper - kinda sounds Mafia ala Benny the snitch.
Pooperton - fancied up the name/occupation a little.
Pooperton Lambert III - now this is really fancy.
Little Frankie Pink Ears - Stay with me on this one, it gets complicated. After being groomed, she looked like that dog from Men in Black, Frank. Also, her hair is so short you can see pink skin on her ears.

Does anyone out there do this?

Atilla's Relatives

Let me start this entry by saying I love my wife. I believe she is descended from Atilla the Hun, as are most members of her family. They all possess an intense competitive streak. She doesn't just win a board game, she crushes her opponents and then dances and sings on their mass graves. Tonight, at dinner, she was trying to lure the girl into a game of Monopoly. No one in this family will play with her, probably due to the Park Place Incident of 1993 ( it wasn't pretty, people were in the fetal position sobbing). Fortunately, the girl took my advice and declined the invitation from the spider to enter the web. I believe it's a sickness.