Xmas thank you

I would like to send out a shout-out and a BIG Xmas thank you to my sis-in-law. She sent the Boy a marshmallow shooter for Christmas. For those not in the know, it is essentially several lengths of half-inch PVC pipe glued together, used like a blow gun. The Boy and the Girl had a marshmallow war in the basement yesterday. They discovered that biting the marshmallows in half makes them stick to whatever they hit. The Boy's shirt was covered with little marshmallow stains as was our carpeting. I am having thoughts of doing something anatomically painful with that #@$%^! marshmallow shooter.

Swimmers detest marauding fish

Last night the family was watching Blue Planet, actually a pretty good documentary on nature. The narrator, however, had an over-affected British accent which caught my ear. I began imitating him and amusing myself, and annoying my family. He was talking about "marauding fish," and I ran with it, concluding that "Swimmers detest marauding fish." Since my family cannot recognize comic genius, I called the relatives in the South, surely they can appreciate my particular brand of insanity.

I was correct. My sis-in-law was busy with baking five loaves of banana-nut bread and wrapping Xmas gifts for the kids' teachers (she may have been bathing youngsters too). With some urging, she flipped on the documentary and was definitely amused with my imitation of the narrator. In addition, I was 2 for 2 with amusing the kids. It sure is nice to have others to share your insanity with.

Insane family

My family is insane. They are obsessed with getting a new pet. To me, a pet is something cuddly, preferrably a mammal, that will love you, and you can assert your dominance over and teach tricks. The family is focused on cold-blooded reptiles that are losers for pets, no cuddly or asserting dominance there.

The Girl wants a newt. This is my vision for the near future:
The Wife takes the Girl to buy the newt. She brings it home and gets a nasty old rock from the backyard to put in the cage. The newt gets a disease from the dirty rock and dies. Day two; another newt, but this time the Wife buys a rock from the pet store. Just before we arrive at the store, a fat kid is looking at the rocks and sneezes on them (because fat kids have no self control). He then has a dukey in his pants and wipes it on the rocks. A few minutes later, we pulll in and buy the sneezed-on and dukied-on rock. But this second newt is stronger than the first and doesn't die, but is mortally wounded. The Wife rushes the newt to the emergency vet on Sunday to have it healed. A $5.00 newt has just turned into a $300.00 excursion.

The above explanation, which occured at the dinner table, caused the Boy to Schnuber Schnooze and fart he laughed so hard. Yes, get the jackets with extra long sleeves, we are insane.

Proud Papa

The Boy tells the following story at the dinner table today:

My teacher took me out in the hallway and asked if I had Tourette's Syndrome. I told her no, then she asked if I had any other problems I knew about. I told her no. Then she asked my why I keep shaking my head from side-to-side. I told her I needed my bangs trimmed.

We all broke into hysterical laughter at this point. The Boy does shake his head because the hair falls into his eyes and bothers him. His teacher believed he had a psychological disorder causing uncontrollable muscle tics. Moments like these make you proud to be a parent.