Insane family

My family is insane. They are obsessed with getting a new pet. To me, a pet is something cuddly, preferrably a mammal, that will love you, and you can assert your dominance over and teach tricks. The family is focused on cold-blooded reptiles that are losers for pets, no cuddly or asserting dominance there.

The Girl wants a newt. This is my vision for the near future:
The Wife takes the Girl to buy the newt. She brings it home and gets a nasty old rock from the backyard to put in the cage. The newt gets a disease from the dirty rock and dies. Day two; another newt, but this time the Wife buys a rock from the pet store. Just before we arrive at the store, a fat kid is looking at the rocks and sneezes on them (because fat kids have no self control). He then has a dukey in his pants and wipes it on the rocks. A few minutes later, we pulll in and buy the sneezed-on and dukied-on rock. But this second newt is stronger than the first and doesn't die, but is mortally wounded. The Wife rushes the newt to the emergency vet on Sunday to have it healed. A $5.00 newt has just turned into a $300.00 excursion.

The above explanation, which occured at the dinner table, caused the Boy to Schnuber Schnooze and fart he laughed so hard. Yes, get the jackets with extra long sleeves, we are insane.