Little Green Ladybug

Here in the Midwest, we have an infestation of orange Japanese beetles. I wrote this poem in response to their irritaing existence. I know the poem mentions green ladybugs, and the beetles are orange. Let us not forget that I am color blind - green, orange, whatever.

LITTLE GREEN LADYBUG

Little green Ladybug
You’re so cute
OUCH, you bit me
SMACK, you’re dead

Spiders

The following poem was inspired by actual events while riding the van. We can thank the girl for this:

I SAT ON A SPIDER

I sat on a spider
While riding in the car
Are we almost there?
Is it very far?

I sat on a spider
That was pretty dumb
I think it must have bit me
My butt is going numb

I sat on a spider
Not a good idea
My tongue is swelling
I can’t say onomatopoeia

I sat on a spider
Not my best work
Should we consult a physician?
My head is starting to jerk

I sat on a spider
What a terrible plan
The room is getting dark
I can’t even see my hand

I sat on a spider
Call the doctor quick
My hair is getting thinner
While my head is getting thick

I sat on a spider
I think I’m going to die
Oh wait – it’s just a daddy long legs
Never mind.

Survival of the Fittest

God bless my wife. I love her more than anything. I truly believe I would lay down my life for her. Would she do the same for me? My answer came the other night during what will now be referred to as "The Bug Incident."

I went outside to get some ice cream from the fridge in the garage. On the door of the fridge was a VERY large bug, probably a daddy long legs, but I can't be sure. The following exchange occurred:
Me - Wow, look at the size of this bug, it's huge!
Wife - That's nice, don't let it in the house.
SLAM - the garage door slammed closed behind me, sealing my fate. I'm glad it wasn't a cobra or a tiger, which are not plentiful in the Midwest as it turns out. Survival of the fastest to close the door and run.

Wedded bliss

I apologize for my long absence from posting. I've ben busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. The family was attending a friend's wedding recently. The kids had a hard time sitting still for the ceremony, but managed to keep it together pretty well. While we were waiting for the ceremony to end, the boy says. "If they say "I don't" do we still get to eat?" As this is his first wedding, ettiquette is not his strong suit. While waiting to be dismissed from the church, he also asked if divorces take as long as wedding do. We had a chat about what not to say at weddings on the way to the reception.