Correction

Before any of you pounce on me for getting how many years I have been married wrong, don't. I have been married 15 years, but lost sight of the details in the midst of the telling of the story. Please submit your criticism to my lawyers - Dewey, Cheatum & Howe. Thank You, The MGMT

Queen of Curbs

My wife, God love her, has a propensity for running over and running into things with cars. Last week, we were out running errands. I had to go into one stop quickly so the family remained in the car. When I returned, all were laughing and being shushed by the Wife. My children tried to tell me what had happened, but the Wife bribed them with McDonald's - hush McMoney. It didn't take me long to figure out that the Wife ran over a curb circling the parking lot (in MY car) and then paid off the children with fast food. New front tire - $85.00 Front end alignment - $150.00 New ball joints - $300.00 14 years of wedded bliss by not yelling about running into curbs - Priceless

The Hook

In my bathroom, my towel hangs on a plastic hook over the closet door, the kind you buy for 2.99 at Target or where ever. The Girl was using our shower (don't get me started on why) and decided to use my towel to dry off with. Being of diminuitive size, she had some difficulty getting the towel off the hook. She decided to fling the towel off the hook, which sent the hook flying through the air. It ultimately landed in the toilet, where she had done #2 and not flushed. She reached in with a plastic bag to retrieve the hook and set it on the bathroom counter, saying nothing. Here is where I enter the picture. I find the hook on the counter and replace on the closet door and put my towel on it. Several days pass before The Girl reveals this little jewel of information to the rest of the family at the dinner table. Apparently I have been drying my face on this feces-infested hook for days - lovely. The Wife made The Girl clean it with bleach, but that cannot remove the mental image of the hook floating in the comode next to yesterday's meatloaf.

Blonde in training

The girl, bless her soul, says some of the funniest things. Here are two examples: The Girl: I'm not asking for any more silky clothes. Me: Why not? The Girl: They're made out of silk worms, gross. The Girl: (Holding a coupon for a laundromat) Check this out, I've got a coupon for a coin laundry. I'm going there to get some cool coins. Me: They don't wash coins at a coin laundry. You use coins to pay for washing clothes. The Girl: Yeah right dad. It says right here Coin Laundry, see. Sometimes I think she's a blonde in training.