The Big O

Recently, while my kids and their cousins were together, they all decided to choose silly names to call each other.
Nephew: My name is Stupe! It's short for Stupid.
His mother: Hey, why is my kid Stupe?
Nephew: Mom, we picked our own names.
Neice: I'm The Big O.
This caused all adults to burst into uproarious laughter. Thankfully, none of the kids knew why this was funny. In a few short years, my neice will be mortified by this story, I can't wait.

Fun Governor

Last week my nephew and nieces spent a few days with us. One night, all five kids decided to spend the night in the backyard fort. It was unlikely that all five would make it through the night, as the three youngest are all big chickens. After the bonfire, I told them a mildly scary story with a funny ending and left.

I had completely planned out how I was going to scare the crap right out of them, simulating an alien abduction in progress. My wife, the Fun Governor as I so lovingly call her, spoiled my plans. With the threat of being in the doghouse until retirement age, I did not follow through on my plans. As it turns out, all five made it through the night unscathed. Drats, foiled again.

Smokey the bear

For some reason unknown to me and the rest of the sane world, the wife asked me to test our smoke alarm while we were putting the kids to bed last night. It is hard-wired to the house electricity and therefore does not require regular battery checks. The wife knows this but asked anyway. The smoke alarm worked properly, in fact, it kept on chrping even after I stopped pressing the button. I pressed the "Hush" button with no results. The d*#n thing kept chirping every 30 seconds for the next half-hour. At one point, the wife looked at me and said, "Something's wrong with that thing, can't you make it stop?" I don't condone spousal abuse, but I understand it.

Be alert

Be alert, the world needs more lerts.

Milkshake

At times, I use the term 'Milkshake' to refer to someone that is decrepedly old, please do not ask why as I am not even sure myself. The wife has been working longer hours this past week and as a result is feeling worn out. On the way to bed the other night night, the following interaction occurred:
Wife "I feel like a milkshake."
Me "Do you mean old, or 'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard'?"
Apparently the wife was not familiar with the song and laughed hysterically. She still does not believe me that this is an actual song. Boy, talk about old, sheesh!