The Girl entertains

Lately, the Girl has entertained us with her funny views on life. One incident...
The Girl: Hey, what does udaliddy mean?
The Wife: Udaliddy, where did you see that?
The Girl: That sign back there. It said Udaliddy work ahaed.
The Wife: (laughing) No sweetie, that utility work ahead.

She has also been very sharp-witted with her brother. He tries his best to burn her with cutting remarks, puns, and jokes. Lately however, she has been getting the best of him, causing him to grunt and walk away frustrated. You can't verbally joust with a female and expect to win.

Three times the dings

My daughter, God bless her, is all about conservation. Conserving her own energy, she is a lazy weasel. In band class, she chose to play the triangle for the band concert. We asked her why...
The Girl: I really like it, in the whole song, I only have to ding the triangle 8 times, how easy is that?
Me: You mean to tell me, that I have to sit through an hour or more of songs, and you only have 8 dings?
The Girl: Yeah, that's about it.
Me: How about this, I'll let you hit the triangle 24 times in the living room, if I don't have to go to your concert. That's three times the dings.
At this pont the Wife and the Boy chimed in agreeing with me. Unfortunately, the sheer number of dings is not that important and we are going to the concert.

The female psyche

Last week I chaperoned my first school dance for the Girl. It was uneventful and I did not have to threaten violence to any middle school boys. However, the Girl's friend was part of the sudent council and helped set up and clean up for the dance. The Wife and I asked her how she got involved with the student council. She replied that the school sent around a flyer on pink paper and asked for those interested to sign up.
Me to the Girl: Did you see this paper?
The Girl: The pink paper? Yea I saw it. It sounded fun but then I noticed they wanted you to write an essay about why you were interested in student council, so I said forget it. I'm not writing essays.

And there you have it, a brief glimpse into the mind of a 12 year old girl, my 12 year old girl. She will do almost anything, as long as she doesn't actually have to do anything.

Hazy memories

This past holiday weekend, the Family and I went to visit my brother and his family 7 hours drive away. We took Grandma with us for the ride and an extra driver. One night we were discussing our college days. My mom beleived that one of my college dorm roommates was gay and liked me. I admit he was eccentric and unusual, but not gay. She never mentioned it to me until this weekend, but she was worried about me.
I really don't understand why she was worried. I was 20 yrs old, living 30 miles from home, had no car, living with 25,000 strangers on a college campus full of drugs and alcohol (and gay roommates), with no friends, and was legally blind. What could possibly go wrong?

New Cougar

The Wife and I were discussing a party we were invited to. The party host is a bit younger that us (25 yrs old) and the Boy put in his two cents worth.
The Boy: Do you really think you should go to a college party? Can you hang with those younger people? I don't think so mom.
The Wife: Its not technically a college party, and yes I can hang.
Me: I'm not sure I want to go, will I know anybody there?
The Wife: Yes you will. Don't go, I'll go and be a Cougar, meow (making cat noises and claws with her hands).
Our daughter arrives just in time for the Cougar remark and kitty performance. I wish I could describe the face she made upon hearing and seeing this. It was the same kind of face she makes when we put lima beans on her dinner plate.

Tongue tied

Sometimes the Wife mispronounces words, causing lots of laughter at our house. Here are 2 recent examples:
"I saw some really nice wood floors advertised on TV the other day from Liquid Lumberdators (Lumber Liquidators)."
"I took your daughter shopping at Arrow Stoppel (Aeropostiale) today"

I really can't fault her for the second one, I have trouble knowing how to say that one myself. I decided to wear my new Arrow Stoppel shirt and go shopping at Liquid Lumberdators.

Brotherly love

I had been cleaning out our spare room for guests when I stumbled on some of the Girl's notebooks. I decided to look thru them to see if they could be kept or were full and should be thrown away. Here is what I found written in one notebook, each entry written so large as to take up an entire page;
Page 1: [My brother] is a fat lard
Page 2: [My brother] is fat
Page 3: [My brother] is a lard

Must have been one of those days, when the Boy was pushing his luck and his sister's buttons.

Doggie IQ test

I took the Girl to the library yesterday to get some books for summer reading. One of the books she selected was How smart is your dog? The book details some types of ways to test your dog's intelligence. The Girl administered these tests to our labradoodle, and I am sorry to report she did not fair well. I'm not saying the dog is dumb, but if brains were trains hers would take a week to go from Chicago to Detroit.

Pullet?

It was time for our labradoodle to get her face and beard trimmed. We love our groomer, great lady and typically does a great job. I think we caught her on a busy day and she was overwhelmed when I went to get the dog.

When we got her home, something looked askew. Upon closer observation, it appears that my labradoodle has a mullet - business up front and party out back. It looks hilarious and she doesn't seem to mind. There are sub-types of mullets that some of you may not be aware of. For example the skullet is when a man is balding on top but grows it long in the back. A femullet is when a woman has one - ala Joan Jett in the 80's. I am calling this one a Pullett - a puppy mullet. I wonder if the mullett will ever come back in style?